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.







the chimney smoke

      blows like hair

           like love

        like you

in the wind

      its ashen hum

rising through

      the clouds

     my reverend


     heart beats

  a trembling dove

a man without

  love pinned

  to a crux of spine

     dear burden of mine

o father have i sinned


    what fire turned

this bread to stone

    what sent

          my voice

       to roam

without my ribs

    that gnash

      like children

weeping in the gloam


my chest is pried

   a tongueless jaw

with nothing left

   to steal

      or say after

    those words

   how much

      lonelier

   i feel




.
so =zebrazebrazebra asked me to try this exercise for transliteration's musical maps contest, and i'm sharing the process since it's all new to me.

it’s based on a piece called “in the air” from tim hecker’s ravedeath, 1972. some might call it drone music, postmodern accessory, dense hipster shit, et cetera. i figured i’d stab my ears out if i chose pop songs about alien sex (yes, phone home is now a euphemism for sexting).

BACK ON TRACK.

my initial candidates included brian eno and ben frost, but i ended up going with a textural midpoint between the two. i divvied my paper into bars and followed instructions. the scribbles didn’t make immediate sense, but hey, poetry’s about recontextualization. so i lumped the hazy ambience of the song with the visualization resembling a column of smoke, you-reek-uh.

i progressed in a stream-of-consciousness way in relation to the music map, and was left with the key image of a lost heart as martyr/dove/tongue lolling in ash. i tweaked the religious imagery to reflect drone music's spiritual roots and the album's pipe organ rafters; and fiddled with the smoke/consumed heart imagery evoked by the lonely/ascetic/anguished reverb. things came together in the song’s nebulous likeness once i cut the outliers and edited the heavier diction.

at this point, i did more research on the album's production. after laying down the track structure organically, tim hecker started doing a lot of digital editing, adding effects and whatnot. in emulation, i collapsed my analog “voice” on paper into quanta of rhyme by keyboard, then i removed punctuation and capitalization, introducing a certain ambience.

a few edits later, i had the product of an interesting creative process.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-07-11
no dear by ~jonzoiplu ( Suggested by Vigilo and Featured by BeccaJS )
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.… Congratulations on your DD!

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013  Student Writer
Hi - this is just to say, I used the title of your amazing piece in a poem of mine, for #TheTitlePage's contest, over here! If you'd prefer for me not to use it, please let me know, and I'll change it immediately. Thank you! :heart:
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This stole my breath! The flow... the words... the concept... you executed it in such a way, I felt speechless upon reaching the end. Then I read the complicated way in which you wrote this? You, sir, are a god :salute:
Ha, no really! If I ever tried to follow that process... I may get a few good lines, but there is no way I could produce such a connection between everything. You introduced a silk flow, too, that made it so easy to just keep reading; I was almost disappointed when I ran out of page!
Fantastic job! I think I really love this because of the creativity behind it. It was a pleasure read, and I thank you for sharing. I'm even more happy with the fact this does indeed possess a DD (: :love:
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
:batman: :absolut:
Reply
:iconhippiehebe:
HippieHebe Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
brilliant idea and lovely words
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2012
:absolut::absolut:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012   General Artist
So beautiful and rightfully deserving of the DD! :clap:
Congratulations on being so amazing:heart:
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012
haha, thanks.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012   General Artist
My pleasure! :la:
Reply
:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012   Writer
it's like a vortex, whipping up potent and striking thoughts
sigh, this is beautiful
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012
now i wish it had some kraken in it.
Reply
:iconteleportinglemondrop:
TeleportingLemonDrop Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012
Excellent work, I love the use of rhyme. Very strong imagery, too. Beautiful poem!
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012
:sushi:
Reply
:iconsazquch:
Sazquch Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i enjoyed it immenshley ;D
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012
:batman:
Reply
:iconkiwidabird:
KiwiDaBird Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Mind.Blown.
Reply
:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012
only gently.
Reply
:iconpanicrusnik09:
PaniCrusnik09 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012
Fluid and short but sweet, like a submersible.
Reply
:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012
mm, subs.
Reply
:iconrober2:
rober2 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Professional Writer
Hey, I added this to my favourites as the very first person over a year ago... I liked you better before you went mainstream, now you're just, like, selling out, maaan!

Seriously though, still a great poem. Congratulations on the DD.
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012
haha, thanks. they made me an offer i couldn't refuse.

:beer::beer:
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is better than i thought it would be. got some really good lines here.
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012
hooray.
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
yeah.
Reply
:iconhelgaitdeathhallow:
HelgaitDeathHallow Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Student
Amazing ^^
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:iconsolaric:
solaric Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Professional Writer
I like how the lines here could each be taken separately, or else combined with other lines, and in each way of considering them they have a new meanings.
Reply
:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012
does that mean there's an optimus prime in my poetry?
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:iconelegantfaith:
ElegantFaith Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012   Writer
Beautiful!
Reply
:iconhappytown124:
Happytown124 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012
Very nice!
Reply
:icontrexybusiness:
TRexyBusiness Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm not sure what to say. The similes and metaphors are endless. It's very wonderfully written.
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012
i'd say "pamplemousse"
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:icontrexybusiness:
TRexyBusiness Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Delicieux.
Reply
:iconrikiwulf:
Rikiwulf Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thats so beautiful.
Reply
:iconthekeobamaster:
thekeobamaster Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
:clap: amazing
Reply
:iconkittykittyhunter:
kittykittyhunter Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012   Writer
I love the formatting of this piece. And the rhymes are beautiful. Great work!
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012
:batman:
Reply
:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Student Writer
Congratulations on the DD! :heart:
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012
i sense that thanking you for the congratulations on a piece you recommended would warp the time-space continuum. i can only hope i get a delorean out of this.

"thanks."




[sigh]




just a hoverboard.
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Writer
Maybe thanking you for the thanks would end up in a DeLorean? I'd prefer a TARDIS, though.
Nothing wrong with hoverboards. Never understood all that wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff anyway. ;)
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:iconautomaticindigo:
AutomaticIndigo Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2011  Student Writer
genuinely just made me smile as I was reading it through the loveliness of the sounds and flow.
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2011
i have a similar experience with scotch.

(this is not scotch.)
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:iconetermaldream:
Etermaldream Featured By Owner May 27, 2011  Student General Artist
cool i like the words you use you describe it in like a 1800's type of way xD
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner May 14, 2011  Professional Writer
Such lovely rhythm and imagery.
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:iconmodularblues:
ModularBlues Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2011
"crux of spine" and "tongueless jaw" - visceral indeed.

I was listening to Chris Botti's bluesy trumpet playing while reading this. They go very well together! Too bad I missed this curious curious contest, but I shall try this sometimes. Thanks & kudos for disseminating more inspiration :)
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2011
maybe his trumpeting is drone in disguise (!) - but yeah, neat process, try it some time (?)
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2011
:clap:
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:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2011
Glad to see someone else supporting minimalism electronic/classical and drone/noise around. There are far too few fans of such amazing talent. Great choice on Hecker, he is the man, and i really enjoyed your representation of the piece. Keep up the great work my man.
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:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2011
YAYTHANKS.


(a few months back, i found out godspeed you black emperor was scheduled to play 4 shows in toronto and i was like, "ok, no rush. four shows = plenty of time." turns out i won't be seeing mr. hecker unless i sell my kidneys to a scalper.)
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:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2011
i saw them when they came through Athens, bought my tickets 8 months before the show. :p i guess that's what you need to do for that sort of thing now-a-days.
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:iconquemaqua:
Quemaqua Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2011  Professional Writer
I love the sound of "crux of spine" and "weeping in the gloam", but I think those might need a little attention to fit right. They seem a little heavy for the breath of the other imagery.

While this isn't what I'd call perfect, and I think it could use a little more love, it did quite a lot for me personally, and I also felt that it very keenly embraced the spirit of the contest itself in terms of process and design. For all the visual flair, this poem strikes me as being one to read aloud, and I did so several times. Thanks so much for sharing it with us and for sharing your process as well. It was my pleasure to read it.
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