Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

1945 by *jonzoiplu:iconjonzoiplu:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open



there was a time   he bragged
immortality       to be inherent
to his people         that hubris

was insignificant        (for god
was dead)       that this world
did not belong      to a people
they hated

our purpose was    to swallow
dis-ease           let them cast
lots for our wives           heat
his chimney with             our
bodies in the winter          to
make him think      they were
somehow better

i could go    on about horrors
we endured               the life
and how      our skin became
loose          around the heart

instead     i will let the weeds
curling at my toes      slowly
scratch away     at his grave
©2007-2009 *jonzoiplu
:iconjonzoiplu:

Author's Comments

‘i praise the army for cutting down like weeds large numbers of the enemy’ - hirohito



oh comely king
of carrot flowers.



(p.s. for that 'sinful' pride contest hosted by ^StJoan)

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconstrayedmusician:
*StrayedMusician Aug 13, 2007, 7:30:07 PM
Structure is fantastic. I wish I had something more constructive to say, but all the same, I enjoy your writings immensely.

--
19:06:57 <sapphiretiger> Evolve. Leave myspace. :p
:iconmeteored:
~meteored Aug 13, 2007, 8:17:37 PM
I especially love the last stanza.

--
:bulletblack::bulletblue::bulletyellow:

SEAL ARMY BY *ThePirateBat
a smart person may not necessarily have all the answers, but he knows how to get them.
:iconsweetie-you-had-me:
~sweetie-you-had-me Aug 14, 2007, 4:58:24 AM
You have such immense talent, I am so envious of you. This is such a beautiful piece. I do enjoy all of your work and should probably comment more often on them.

But truly fantastic. I am in awe.

(I also have a question to ask you, if you don't mind.)

--
Tell me about yourself, I want to know all about you,
what's your story?
:iconshahath:
~shahath Aug 14, 2007, 11:31:54 AM
A truly creative and magnificent piece of writing, on all accounts.
I really have nothing else to say, unfortunately. All that is afforded me is the simple comment that this is terrific. :)
:iconjonzoiplu:
*jonzoiplu Aug 14, 2007, 3:53:52 PM
thanks (:


(there isn't that much structure to this P:)

--
let's go play on a baggage carousel
:iconjonzoiplu:
*jonzoiplu Aug 14, 2007, 3:55:35 PM
it's more practice if anything. (;

thanks.

(i don't mind having questions posed)

--
let's go play on a baggage carousel
:iconjonzoiplu:
*jonzoiplu Aug 14, 2007, 3:56:27 PM
thank you, sir.

:salute:

--
let's go play on a baggage carousel
:iconsweetie-you-had-me:
~sweetie-you-had-me Aug 14, 2007, 4:04:18 PM
well, you began to answer it today. i was curious as to what authors/poets you like/who inspire you, is all.

--
Tell me about yourself, I want to know all about you,
what's your story?
:iconjonzoiplu:
*jonzoiplu Aug 14, 2007, 4:25:28 PM
i suppose that's a tricky question. i'll note you with a probably longer-than-necessary comment. (;

--
let's go play on a baggage carousel
Previous Page1234Next Page

Details

August 13, 2007
1.6 KB

Statistics

31
16 [who?]
451 (0 today)
1 (0 today)

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy